Older, Yes. Wiser, No.

You know what! I'm 21 now. HeeeeHaaaa :]

So birthday was unexpectedly amazing! No kidding. Though there was no surprise as such but i think friends did everything they could to make it special and better than the 20th. And obviously i would like to thank H (my best friends) and R. Obviously they are awesome shawesome :]

One whole cake smudged on my face is not a small thing okay. And everybody will pay for it. I think my hair still smells of cake. Hehe :P

Yes yes i'm happy. No more pissed off mood. Yayyy to that. 

It might sound weird but i actually sometimes forget my age. Like last week i was actually asking myself, 'so is it the 20th or 21st year' !! Strange isn't it?! But its okay, as everybody knows i'm weird like that. 

Okay so i'm a year older, but i don't think i act like a 21 year old. Because they are suppose to be mature and intelligent. I'm not even M of mature and I of intelligent. 

But i should start making mature decisions if nothing else. I should stop getting attached to people. Wont do any good no. They don't understand how you feel. And people are stupid, the only person who is awesome is me. :P

Oh yes i wanted to get my hair colored red this time for my birthday. Don't run your imagination wild now, just one streak. It would have looked so uber-cool! And yeah i wanted a piercing too! So much i wanted to do before the 21st and oh soo lazy me! Sigh.

Happy 21st to me! :D


I almost forgot, a biggg thank you to all of my friends for making it by far the best Birthday as long as i can remember! And yes family deserves a little credit too! Love you all much! 
Hugs and kisses! :D

Whattay (E)ventful Day !!

You think its my fault i feel like shit right now? That i want to sit in a corner and cry my eyes out for no reason at all? That i really want somebody to slap me and say, "what is wrong with you, get a life and stop irritating people around you who care for you so much!"

Birthday in another 4 hours. Guess what i'm not excited. I don't even want my birthday right now. Because for me birthdays are suppose to be fun. Weeks before i start counting days like a mad man. This time its nothing. And somehow i don't like it. There's no reason for me to be this upset. (Apart from the fact that i have nothing to wear, thats another story altogether)

I'm *this* close in shutting myself up somewhere. 

And i know this will piss some people off. Because all they want is my happiness. I want my happiness too (i'm selfish like that), but i cant seem to find my happiness. People don't need a reason to be happy, but right now i want a very solid reason. And no, birthday in 4 hours is not that solid reason for me these days. 

Today even writing is not helping. I can still cry. Raise your voice at me right now and i *will* start crying for sure. 

This mood is making me so irritated. I think i need some help. Some medical help maybe. :|

I knew the weekend would be pathetic. But this pathetic! Never expected. I wish tomorrow is a better day. Not for me, but for the people around me. I don't care about me right now, but the people who really care for me. They don't deserve this. Because they do want me to be happy! 

I still feel like shit!

Why Do I Have A Tiny Brain?

The first thing we learn is Communication. But the funny thing is, as we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to ask for or what we really want. 

You know how clueless i am right now? *This* much. :P

It's gonna be one long weekend. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I just feel it will be long. I'm in depressed sort of mood these days. Too much thinking happening na. My li'l brain is overworked right now, hence the depressed mood. 

When i was a kid, i wanted to be a pilot. I like men in uniform. So i thought if i become a pilot, i'll at least find a decent man. But then i wasn't aware of the fact you need to study science to become a pilot. I hate science. *This* much. So i dropped the idea. And with that my dream of finding a decent man faded away too. :[

I think i have chosen the wrong field. Don't you think so? I certainly do. Everyday. Why do i want to be a journalist. Let me think .. I want to be a journalist because :-

a) It sounds awesome. "I'm a journalism student/ journalist."

b) It is glamorous. If i happen to work for a magazine that is.

c) I get to attend shit load of parties. Again provided i'm in some fashion magazine or doing fashion PR.

d) I can dress casually. Unlike those MBA people. Boring their life is i think. 

e) My dad wants to see a press sticker on my car. Hehe. It'll make him proud i think. 

So as you can see i have listed 5 reasons (can't think of anymore right now). Are they good enough? Did you notice no where i have mentioned that i can write! Because i cannot! I sure think so. I should have become a model only. I have a good height, if i exercise i can loose that extra inch or two. I should have been a model only. Instant fame. Shit. Its too late now. I'm almost 21 and in modelling industry some girls retire when they are 21. No kidding. 

Ah well its too late now. The college fees has already been paid. I don't like wasting my dad's money. Such a nice kid i am no. :P

And for your kind information, whoever said what you don't know can never hurt you was a complete moron! 

Too tired now. And i should stop rambling. I make no sense. :/

And yes only two days for my birthday. And it's raining outside. :D

Much Love.

Miss.

I wish you were right here by my side to comfort me right now. 

 It is not suppose to be this difficult, but it is. I should get use to it, but i'm not. I wish you were here, but you are not. 

I miss you more with each passing day. My soul longs more each  year. I want to hear your soft, comforting voice, feel your warm embrace, sense your loving energy, and see your pretty face. I just want you to be here with me and see what i have become. 

I miss you, Mom. 

Sometimes i wish i could end it all. So that maybe somewhere we can meet. But life can never be that simple. I still remember that day more than anything. I was suppose to be with her. But its like she already knew what was about to happen and asked me to stay back. I threw so many tantrums but she dint listen. And she just said 'Go study!' It was a very very long time ago, still i remember that day. 

Why can't i turn back time? Why is life so unfair? Why did you leave me like this?

But i will always love you. 

Don't hide behind that stupid mask.

"Hospitality is not what it seems. Its a cold, clever, conniving fiend.

Sugary and sweet, everyone's a best friend.

Bitter and harsh, the facade is a pretense."

You think you looking all pretty wearing that stupid mask. I don't think so. Looojjer!

And that stupid mask is a major turn off. When i say major, i mean i don't think i would even like to puke on your not-so-pretty face too! Yes its that bad.

People should really need to know when to shut up. I think there should be some kind of special classes or something for juvenile asses like them somewhere so that they are taught how to behave in public with grown ups around.

 And yes i am major time pissed off right now. I don't know why but i am. [Yes i'm lil weird like that.] I get all pissed off when people start acting so fake around me. Arre bhai why do you wanna act two faced all the fucking time !! It is not as cool as you think it is. Get it Looojerss! :/

Get a life! And quit ruining mine with all that buttery attitude. [Makhan baazi re :P ]

Oh btw Birthday week! Birthday means so much shopping. And it has already started. So yayyy. Did i mention that i have stupid-good-for-nothing friends? I think i have. Why am i saying this, because they can't even throw a surprise party for me. Thats so rude of them. This time i have even specified i wont celebrate, which is like an indication saying "arre ab toh ek surprise party dedo". But no they are *this* useless. But whatever, i like my birthdays. Theres nothing great about this day, but still i like it. 
Because i get to blow all the candles and make a wish! :D

Yes You.

I sometimes feel i live in my own magical world.


How i want time to stop here. Yes this is where i want the clock to stop ticking. Or maybe not. How can time stop. Too much mush i'm reading these days. Not good. But they are so interesting. So unreal. And so stupid. Okay i have given so many reasons myself why should i stop reading these novels. But then i know i wont. 

"You are you. And nothing can be more true."
This line is stuck in my head ever since. And somehow it makes a lot of sense. In some weird way of course. I like to believe that whoever you are is real. You know when you get the feeling 'is this really happening', something like that is happening with me right now. This obviously is a very peachy feeling. But me being the negative me, knows this will end. (I think i have mentioned this before) Because i can't wake up with a smile everyday. Because what you want, you never get. Because with time everything changes. Because no matter what you think life is unfair sometimes. 


But you know what, it doesn't matter! I actually don't care. For now i just wanna enjoy my magical world. Where everything is just perfect. 


But why am i smiling so much?? Batao batao why?? :P


So in other news, I think yesterday was by far the most embarrassing day of my life. It tops the bloody list! It was my presentation and i went blank. Totally speechless. I was just standing there like a zombie. I had a feeling something like this can happen, but that feeling was just a passing thought. And again not fair. :(


And for all of you who i meet everyday, please stop acting so fake. With all of you around me, i have started feeling so fake myself. This is my earnest request. Thank you. And i love you all. NOT!