Should I or Shouldn't I ??

I don't want to be scared. 

Anymore.

So many things going on in my not-so-interesting life that its making me all scared. Theres this thing inside me which is making me sick. Its getting harder and harder for me to trust people. I want to, but something inside me is telling me don't! What it is it with me that as soon as someone starts caring about me, i feel like running away and shutting myself up!

I really want to shut myself in a room somewhere so that i don't have to talk to anyone. Because i'm scared. I'm scared people will come too close and will leave me. Because that's how things have always been. People come close, pretend they care, and bam, they just leave. Just like that. And this time if something like this happens, i *will* lose trust. In everything. 

And yeah the other day this friend of mine got drunk and fought with someone just for me. It sounds sweet, but it was not at that time. I almost slapped him. People usually say when someone is drunk, he/she says the truth. Is it true? Because he said some really nice things and i felt so special and cared for. And this is one of the many things that is making me scared. I don't want people to care for me so much. It sounds lame but i really don't want that. 

And if people wont leave me, i know i will one day. I'm not all that nice you know. Its always easier to make the first move when it comes to leaving. And if that makes me a loner, then so be it. You think i care!

I sometimes feel like i write like a love-struck teen. :P

But that is the problem, i'm not love-struck. Have never been one i think. 

I was suppose to study.

Yes i'm *this* awesome! :D

I have 3 bloody exams is one day and still i'm here. Anything to avoid studying no. :) [I'm cool like this.] 

You know i will regret not studying in just one more day! Just one day and i'll be all ready to shoot myself. But then i don't care. I have never cared for marks. I never came first or for that matter was never in top 10 students of my class. Not even when i was in 2nd and there were hardly 25 children in my class. Yes don't make that face now. Not everyone is suppose to be intelligent! I don't care if i pass or fail a single exam, as long as i'm being promoted to the next class or next year i'm happy.

Even when i start working i don't think i'll ever wanna be "the employee of the month". I'l be happy if i finish my work on time. The only reason i don't want this is because then people have too much expectations from you and a lot of jealousy happens. And frankly i don't like expectations. And i don't like meeting them too. Too much burden on my tiny brain will happen and its not good for health no :P 

And i just sound so non career oriented. Not good. 

Naseeb .. That's what they call it.

"You come

You follow

I follow back

I call you a stalker from your bio, and you call me a stalker for no reason at all

I get back at you

You get back at me

Some guy gets jealous

I ask your name

I find your blog

I steal your email id

I get on Gtalk

I yap, you yap

We yap

Fun happens

Random crap happens

Blog posts happen

You think

I think

We both think

Now you say you quit

I say don't

You say no i will

I say you will not

I win, you lose

Finish !!"

This is what *this* person said. And i think this is the sweetest thing anybody has said to me to make me feel better. *this* person wishes to remain anonymous. And i think *this* person is awesome shawesome :D :D 

The Stranger In My Dream.

I take my dreams very seriously. And here i'm not referring to those 'what i wanna be when i grow up' dreams. I'm talking about the dreams when you have while you are sleeping. Its funny that people have such weird dreams which has nothing to do their real life. They usually forget the next morning or maybe just laugh over it, but i take my dreams very seriously. I try and analyze it. Its such a waste of time but then i have nothing better to do also.

Few days back (make that weeks now because this post is pending ever since) i had one of these 'weird' dreams. And *he* was in it. Okay rest i don't remember what it was all about. The only thing i remember is it was a happy dream. No sci-fi was there in the dream at least. It felt real. He felt real. And i woke up to the biggest smile on my face the next morning. 

It was one of those dreams which i wanted it to come true. But as they say 'Dreams never come true'

And yeah i was *this* close to deleting this entry. But then it would have been such a waste na. And you who is reading this, yes i'm talking to you, welcome to my world of Randomness! I hope you like my world. And thank you for being a part of it. See i'm being nice here. That *sometime* is right now. :D 

P.S. I couldn't find a suitable picture again. Next time i'm pakka copy pasting from somebody's Flickr account. :P

Super-awesome.

I sometimes wonder if one day if i go missing, will anyone even notice? Will they look for me or just move on with their super-awesome-life? 

(I think i'm just insecure and i'm cool like that)

So in other news, I'm not liking college after the so-called 10 days break. Deadlines everywhere. And the people i use to call friends are well turning into big time bitches. But then i'm glad, i at least have one good friend (in college) with whom i can share everything and bitch about people. He's super awesome. I never knew bitching with a guy will be this awesome! 

But then i feel bad because i have always had so many friends (I still do, but they are not in my college) and i was surrounded by people all the time. I don't mean to brag but we were always the coolest group on campus. :P

But then times change and well your luck gets transfered to somebody else. I wish my luck got transfered to a well deserved person. Because there was a time when i use to consider myself very very lucky. Not kidding. 

Oh i almost forgot to mention i was in Delhi last week. And i had the time of my life! Fuck! I cant believe i ate so much and didn't shop at all. Thats like super strange because i live to shop! Or shop to live (whichever statement is correct). Delhi is my happy place. And it will always be like that, even if i turn 50. But wait if i turn 50 and go to Delhi i want Tanya to be there too, otherwise it wont be that happy of a place (btw tanya is my super-awesome cousin and me loves her so fucking much). :D

I just realized that i have used the word 'super-awesome' thrice already. But then the word 'super-awesome' is super-awesome na. Okay now i have lost count of how many times i have used this word. 

Oh i have an idea! I want the title of this post to be super-awesome. Haha. It was suppose to be "Give My Luck Back. Plizz" But now look look what it is! 

I was suppose to study! 3 exams in one day is not a joke. Ok bye now. 

P.S. I wanted to post a picture but couldn't find anything suitable. Can i copy paste from somebody's flicker account? Haha.