Should I or Shouldn't I ??

I don't want to be scared. 

Anymore.

So many things going on in my not-so-interesting life that its making me all scared. Theres this thing inside me which is making me sick. Its getting harder and harder for me to trust people. I want to, but something inside me is telling me don't! What it is it with me that as soon as someone starts caring about me, i feel like running away and shutting myself up!

I really want to shut myself in a room somewhere so that i don't have to talk to anyone. Because i'm scared. I'm scared people will come too close and will leave me. Because that's how things have always been. People come close, pretend they care, and bam, they just leave. Just like that. And this time if something like this happens, i *will* lose trust. In everything. 

And yeah the other day this friend of mine got drunk and fought with someone just for me. It sounds sweet, but it was not at that time. I almost slapped him. People usually say when someone is drunk, he/she says the truth. Is it true? Because he said some really nice things and i felt so special and cared for. And this is one of the many things that is making me scared. I don't want people to care for me so much. It sounds lame but i really don't want that. 

And if people wont leave me, i know i will one day. I'm not all that nice you know. Its always easier to make the first move when it comes to leaving. And if that makes me a loner, then so be it. You think i care!

I sometimes feel like i write like a love-struck teen. :P

But that is the problem, i'm not love-struck. Have never been one i think.