Ping!

Hello. Long time no see. Look at you, all grown up and all. 

Okay stop judging me by my opening sentence. Its been 20 days since my last post! *acts all dramatic*

From the past few days i have been meaning to right, but was just to lazy to switch on the laptop. Yes, i'm that lazy. Sometimes i don't even feel like changing the channel, because it takes too much of an effort to pick up the remote and change the channel. So i just keep staring at the TV and thinking. (Not about pretty boys, you idiot)


I recently got a Blackberry. I know what all you non-blackberry people must be thinking, "college students don't need a blackberry, so stop showing off!" Its true, college students don't, but i dint buy it because i get those all important mails and shit (in fact i hardly get any mails, except those MBA colleges who still think i'm interested in doing MBA), i got it for the BBM. And trust me when i say, my phone hasn't stopped ping-ing ever since! There are times when i just feel like turning off my phone (i'm stressing on 'sometimes' here). But if somebody asks me to give an award or something, i will give it to Blackberry. Best past-time ever!


There's this song stuck in my head from the past few days. You know, there are some songs which make perfect sense and you can relate to them. This is one of those songs. 


He's there in the dark
He's there in my heart
He waits in the winds
He's gonna play a part.
Trouble is a friend, yeah, trouble is a friend of mine.
So don't be alarmed if he takes you by the arm
I wont let him win, but i'm a sucker for his charm
Trouble is a friend, yeah, trouble is a friend of mine.


Ahh i can keep on humming these lines all day. Because trouble is actually a very good friend of mine. We've been best friends since i don't know how long. Never leaves me alone or let me be. Trouble loves me so very much, you see.


Okay now go listen to this song. Trouble is a friend- Lenka :D

I love my Crap.

I woke up. Saw myself in the mirror. Got bored. Went to bed again. And slept. Got up again. Saw myself in the mirror again. First thing that came to my mind, "I so need a haircut!!"

Yes this is how the day started today. And i actually went and got myself a haircut. I'm cool like that. I think, by far, this has been the most random-est thing i did in 2011. I love doing stupid random stuff when i'm bored. They are so stupid that i find myself laughing at myself only. But my hair looks so much better. I like i like.

Oh this reminds me, happy 2011!! Why am i wishing here, you see the thing is i'm that kind of a person who usually doesn't wish Happy New Year or Happy Diwali or anything for that matter to anyone. I think its too much of an effort. Who will pick up the phone and wish, right? And also what is so good about this new year haan?! If you want the new year to be better, be a better person yourself. Everything will change. "Be the change you want to see in other people."

[Free ka gyaan but raha hai, le lo] ^-^

Fyi, my hands are freezing. My pinkie finger is numb. :(

Till yesterday i had no new year's resolution. But today i have one. Yayyy to that. I can join the cool gang now. (Because cool people haz new year resolutions) So, my new year resolution- Stop being so emotional about every damn thing and stop giving a fuck about people. Also i want to be selfish. Very selfish. Because selfish people are successful. No really, look around you and you will find out. And i'm so damn sure i won't stick to this resolution. When have i ever stick to my words? Just tell me, when!

Also,  i want to live in a fashion cupboard this year.

So what is your resolution, not so cool people? Okay, i'm not interested, don't bother telling. Because you see i get bored so easily. 

You know what, i have this weird thing in my head that people are ignoring me. No seriously. Its a stupid thing i know. But what to do, people are ignoring me. But i don't care. Bola na i would stop giving a fuck about people. My niceness is way too nice for them. (It dint make sense na??)


I think i write crap. But i love my crap. :D

I'm gonna go and sit in front of the heaterzz. Because i cant feel my bones.

Itni Coolness What To Do!

This thing where we pretend to keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, its usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose all those we wanna remain close to. Once we have chosen, we tend to stick close by. But the people that are with you at the end of the day, those are worth keeping. 

Because people who matter, they just matter. End of discussion.

The thing is Semester 1 is over. And i'm jobless. And all i'm doing is sitting at home and watching Grey's Anatomy back to back. Though i try to fit in Gossip Girl in this busy schedule but Grey's takes the front seat. And right now i'm actually feeling weird that i haven't watched even a single Grey's episode today. Awesome no. :P

So what did i actually learn in Semester 1? How cool is it to see your friends getting drunk every single day. How awesomelacious it is to just bunk classes and roam around in your car, whole fucking day. How nice it is to not study at all for the mid-sems and be dependent on the girl sitting next to you. How astounding it is to bitch about people in your department with a guy. And yeah that splendid feeling that you get when you are taking your final Semesters exam and answering each and every question from your phone without a care in the world. Priceless.

[Trust me all this never happened before i joined the University]

So all in all i think 3 months weren't that bad. I have a month's break. Well almost. And its just the 3rd holiday and i'm shit bored! I miss my University *this* much. :'(

I know nobody is wondering, but still i would like to mention, i don't have any internship! I'm paying for the lazy me now. I should be working my ass out right now, instead i'm sitting here and smiling. Smiling with the world and at the world. Because itni coolness jo hai! :D

Time for me to go and do what i do the best. Put the earphones and watch Grey's Anatomy. McDreamy is just *MegaDrool* :D

P.S. The pictures i use, the title, and the text that you read are usually not related. So don't even bother thinking what has the picture got to do with the first paragraph and what has the first paragraph got to do with the whole text and the title. I don't get it myself. Hence, there is a very prominent break between every para. But i think you are intelligent enough. :)

Its Cold. And everything is Blue.

When life throws lemons, i just keep them aside and stare at them. Why? Because i don't know what to do with them. And no, i don't know how to make lemonade out of them either. 

I don't think you have to wait for someone to fly underneath you and save your life. You just have to save yourself. 

I always knew it was too good to be true. I was prepared. But somehow it doesn't make sense now. And please tell me why is that when i'm *trying* to deal with my so called problems, the world throws their problems at me! Who will deal with mine haan?!


Everything happens for a reason! Yeah right! Why fucking not! 


I should really learn from my mistakes. Its high time. I'm not a teenager anymore. I wish i was though. But that's not the point. I know it is very easy for me to be indifferent right now. But you wont get affected by it, only i will. I'm one insanely stupid person to go through all of it again. AGAIN! 


Stupid brain doesn't even make sense now. I need a brain transplant i think. And yeah back transplant too (If theres any such thing as a back transplant). People think i'm quiet. Even my friends think i'm quiet. But what they really don't know is that i'm planning their murder inside this damaged brain of mine. I'm trying to figure out ways to slaughter them. Poor them. They think i'm all nice and oh so quiet. I'm destructive like that.


I contradict my self *this* much. On one hand i don't care about these humans around me, and the very next nano second i crib about how attached i get. Stupid no! 


And yes in order to feel better, i need to work. I want an internship. In a bloody magazine. I want cool people around me. I will feel cool that way. The coolness factor is just missing right now. Because i have been too busy thinking about random nonsense stuff. 


I feel Blue. :D

(De)sensitize.

I feel like everything's muted,

I hang on to life by a thread.

My world is shattering around me

I scream inside my head

I try to transfer these words, these feelings, this life

to the outside world around me,

but I locked it all up too tight.

My world is shattering around me,

I hang on by a thread.

And all I can do is sit alone,

in the darkness inside my head.

Older, Yes. Wiser, No.

You know what! I'm 21 now. HeeeeHaaaa :]

So birthday was unexpectedly amazing! No kidding. Though there was no surprise as such but i think friends did everything they could to make it special and better than the 20th. And obviously i would like to thank H (my best friends) and R. Obviously they are awesome shawesome :]

One whole cake smudged on my face is not a small thing okay. And everybody will pay for it. I think my hair still smells of cake. Hehe :P

Yes yes i'm happy. No more pissed off mood. Yayyy to that. 

It might sound weird but i actually sometimes forget my age. Like last week i was actually asking myself, 'so is it the 20th or 21st year' !! Strange isn't it?! But its okay, as everybody knows i'm weird like that. 

Okay so i'm a year older, but i don't think i act like a 21 year old. Because they are suppose to be mature and intelligent. I'm not even M of mature and I of intelligent. 

But i should start making mature decisions if nothing else. I should stop getting attached to people. Wont do any good no. They don't understand how you feel. And people are stupid, the only person who is awesome is me. :P

Oh yes i wanted to get my hair colored red this time for my birthday. Don't run your imagination wild now, just one streak. It would have looked so uber-cool! And yeah i wanted a piercing too! So much i wanted to do before the 21st and oh soo lazy me! Sigh.

Happy 21st to me! :D


I almost forgot, a biggg thank you to all of my friends for making it by far the best Birthday as long as i can remember! And yes family deserves a little credit too! Love you all much! 
Hugs and kisses! :D

Whattay (E)ventful Day !!

You think its my fault i feel like shit right now? That i want to sit in a corner and cry my eyes out for no reason at all? That i really want somebody to slap me and say, "what is wrong with you, get a life and stop irritating people around you who care for you so much!"

Birthday in another 4 hours. Guess what i'm not excited. I don't even want my birthday right now. Because for me birthdays are suppose to be fun. Weeks before i start counting days like a mad man. This time its nothing. And somehow i don't like it. There's no reason for me to be this upset. (Apart from the fact that i have nothing to wear, thats another story altogether)

I'm *this* close in shutting myself up somewhere. 

And i know this will piss some people off. Because all they want is my happiness. I want my happiness too (i'm selfish like that), but i cant seem to find my happiness. People don't need a reason to be happy, but right now i want a very solid reason. And no, birthday in 4 hours is not that solid reason for me these days. 

Today even writing is not helping. I can still cry. Raise your voice at me right now and i *will* start crying for sure. 

This mood is making me so irritated. I think i need some help. Some medical help maybe. :|

I knew the weekend would be pathetic. But this pathetic! Never expected. I wish tomorrow is a better day. Not for me, but for the people around me. I don't care about me right now, but the people who really care for me. They don't deserve this. Because they do want me to be happy! 

I still feel like shit!

Why Do I Have A Tiny Brain?

The first thing we learn is Communication. But the funny thing is, as we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to ask for or what we really want. 

You know how clueless i am right now? *This* much. :P

It's gonna be one long weekend. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I just feel it will be long. I'm in depressed sort of mood these days. Too much thinking happening na. My li'l brain is overworked right now, hence the depressed mood. 

When i was a kid, i wanted to be a pilot. I like men in uniform. So i thought if i become a pilot, i'll at least find a decent man. But then i wasn't aware of the fact you need to study science to become a pilot. I hate science. *This* much. So i dropped the idea. And with that my dream of finding a decent man faded away too. :[

I think i have chosen the wrong field. Don't you think so? I certainly do. Everyday. Why do i want to be a journalist. Let me think .. I want to be a journalist because :-

a) It sounds awesome. "I'm a journalism student/ journalist."

b) It is glamorous. If i happen to work for a magazine that is.

c) I get to attend shit load of parties. Again provided i'm in some fashion magazine or doing fashion PR.

d) I can dress casually. Unlike those MBA people. Boring their life is i think. 

e) My dad wants to see a press sticker on my car. Hehe. It'll make him proud i think. 

So as you can see i have listed 5 reasons (can't think of anymore right now). Are they good enough? Did you notice no where i have mentioned that i can write! Because i cannot! I sure think so. I should have become a model only. I have a good height, if i exercise i can loose that extra inch or two. I should have been a model only. Instant fame. Shit. Its too late now. I'm almost 21 and in modelling industry some girls retire when they are 21. No kidding. 

Ah well its too late now. The college fees has already been paid. I don't like wasting my dad's money. Such a nice kid i am no. :P

And for your kind information, whoever said what you don't know can never hurt you was a complete moron! 

Too tired now. And i should stop rambling. I make no sense. :/

And yes only two days for my birthday. And it's raining outside. :D

Much Love.